Heylo 👋 Monday again. New week, fresh perspective.
Okay this one's different, I didn't plan it. It just came to me as I sat down, so bear with me.
So a few weeks back I'm at this networking event and I get talking to this older guy. Late 50s, maybe 60s, but honestly he looked great for his age, fit, sharp, full of energy. You know me, I mostly just listen at these events, I like hearing how other people's lives actually work. And his life was FULL. Like 40 years of different careers, a wife, three kids, a dog, and he's still juggling all of it every single day and somehow not falling apart. So I just asked him straight up: what kept you going all these years? Through all of it?
I was expecting some big emotional story. Nope. He just goes, "I'm worth it and I'm capable of it. Nothing gets achieved without challenges."
And that was it. Simple. But I've been chewing on it for weeks, man.
Because here's what got me. Think about how most of us operate. We want something, we chase it like crazy, we get it, and then... the fire just dies. The excitement fades, and we barely ever set the next goal. And I keep asking myself why. Are we just getting comfortable? Or is it something quieter, like a little voice going "eh, maybe I can't actually do the next big thing."
And then it hit me that this guy wasn't just "motivated." He had an actual belief running underneath him. Turns out psychology has a name for it.
It's called self-efficacy. Some Stanford psychologist, Bandura, came up with it. Basically it's your belief that you're capable of doing what the goal takes. And here's the bit I found cool, it's NOT the same as self-esteem. Self-esteem is "I'm a good person."
Self-efficacy is "I CAN do this specific thing." One's about worth, the other's about capability. That older guy had both, but the capability part is what was carrying him.
Picture two people who both bomb a job interview. Same skills, same bad day. One person goes like "okay, that one stung, next" and keeps applying. The other goes "see, I'm just not good enough" and quietly stops trying. Same rejection. Two completely different roads.
And the part I actually love: you're not born with it. You build it. Mostly by doing the boring hard things and noticing, oh, I survived that. Every tough thing you've already pushed through is proof you can do it again. You've been stacking up evidence your whole life, we just never stop to actually look at it.
Which brings me to the thing I can't stop thinking about. When I'm chasing something these days, some piece of writing, an interesting idea, whatever, do I actually believe I'm capable of it? Or am I quietly grinding like it's not really meant for me until it somehow happens anyway? Because those are two completely different engines. One runs on belief. The other runs on anxiety. And you can FEEL which one you're on.
So here's the little experiment this week.
Take whatever you're working toward right now. A job, a relationship, a business, fitness goal, maybe you're a first-time parent. And before you dive into the doing, just tell yourself the quiet thing: “I'm worthy of this, and I'm capable of it.”
Not for the sake of saying it, but more like a reminder that you've cleared hard stuff before, so you're allowed to believe you'll clear this too. And then work from THAT instead of from the fear of messing it up. Chasing something with belief in your corner feels nothing like chasing it out of anxiety. Same goal. Way steadier ride.
You're gonna do the work anyway. You always do. Might as well do it believing it was meant for you the whole time.
Before you go, one small ask. If these letters mean something to you, forward this to one person you think would like it too. That's how Here & Now grows, one reader at a time 💌
Warmly,
Narman
With Love & Care